DailyDairy
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
CookingParty
on 15th we guyz cooked up the most amazing meal....starting from limbu pani to kheer...we had everything and style?! -was exquisite
Notes2Her!
everytime there is a fun occasion or some out going planned i feel bad that I have left u behind...sorry babe...forgive me...u know leaving you out is no fun for me...i have given my life to u...and only with u do I truly enjoy...
thanx for the tremondous sacrifices u are making....and promise you ill give u enuff next sem tht will compensate for our all the fite you have put in. Promise you a lot of fun the coming sem.
and I have started reading ur NLP papers...almost though with the word sense diasmbiguation one. Also reading online to make ssense of some topics...after a day or two will correspond with you to clear more concepts. Send me basic stuff on NLP if you have or anything that can help me. Until i get some basics clear I wont proceed with actual stuff. And ya you please dont feel odd about my doing this work. As I have said before...u r carrying our baby called GRE...its just that you are going to deliver it. Everything else I will handle & I promise to work hard for it. We have made it thorugh a tuff sem...we just have a lil to go to realise our dreams.
And I keep feeling bad about my leaving you and coming, and esp when u say you want to go home...I totally understand and so I suggest that you go home sometime after gre...fridays is anyways off for us...so you can leave on thursday and come back on Tuesday...no one wil even notice...I promise ill plan something for u...and even get the tickets
There are some imp things I want to say:
1. You are the most imp thing in my life. I dont want to lose you. Yes, my parents are there, but you are my future...I have worked hard, changed some plans, made some subtle sacrifices, changed my way of thinking and started to look forward to a happy married life with the one I love so much
2. It aches me 2 that you are not able to go home...and I know its a big thing for you..much bigger than its for me...but the thing is that they are not running away....even after 6months they will be there.....while after 6 months therez no sense in giving gre....the world runs in chronological order....u hav to go acc to time and its need
3. The need of the hour now is GRE....it is the last thing u hv to get right in order to fulfill your dreams for your dad....and us...for that matter it is more imp for you to go....I can even come in next year...for you its now or never...you have see that...
4. everything is set now...I think that our appz are good enuff to get us some decent admits....urs is actually much better than mine academically but I compensate on projects...and from the fact that I had got calls last year..I think I should be able to do better this year.
5. At home it is much tuffer to study...when you go back home the situation is much different that when you used to be there all the time...the point of going home is spending time with ur fam...and they also want you there for that...
6. The kind of concentration you require for ur GRE is simply too much...accept it that ur prep is bad,,,every second is imp now...u really have to start looking at it that way
Hi...
I am sorry if I said too much today....but I seriously am getting tensed by the day...u can say in a way that I am taking your share of tension too...or getting more tensed bcoz u not taking tension....it all amounts to the same thing that u can see boiling over today...
I feel very bad that you are going thru this...esp alone...but yaar on 2nd thoughts...every1 does...dont they?!...every1 slogs for a month or two...no1 goes to cinema etc during that time...but again on the other hand u have completed a strenous sem and need a break...yes I 2 want u to feel a lil light...but u cant and should possibly feel as light as nikki and all...yaar they r not givni gre...she dint hv the courage to fite it....she gave up coz she cldnt handle....but we fot thru...and we have succeeded...havent we...and we will ...
its the fite to finish now....u with ur gre...me with appz,NLP and handling u...I am determined to succeed...
work hard...giv it ur best..if u get to a good palce in us...ur mom wont b able to stop u....nor will it b easy for them to find a PhD guy...and u can insist on that :p....and drive the way for us....
and i know sometimes these things feel fancy....sometimes i think we are making all these plans and assumptions without asking ne1...totally on assumptions....but again this is the best we can do given a sitation...
i am putting some time talking about these with frendz around and taking a 2nd opinion...just 2 b sure...
U WORK HARD BABE....dont think about nething else...dont think about distributing load...jus work hard on gre....its not easy to do wordlists in 20 days....please understand and stop talking about helping me with appz or nethign else....really angers/frustates me when u dont understand the gravity of the situation.....tension le re...u may b close to srcewing up life long plans....
but again dont get 2 worried...jo hona hai so hoga....just dont take it 2 lightly like u r right now....
I PROMISE U A FUN FILLED NEXT SEM....but not concentrate...
luv u sooo much,
me
DUMPofDesktopBlogs
[7th Sep,2005]
Suddenly the quest for life...the excitement in life is gone...life suddenly feels empty and lonely....all plans seem to hv crash landed. There were so many plans that got created with 'her' in mind....and so many others which got modified with her in mind...both are meaningless less...esp the former which are now baseless.. The modified plans can ofcrse be reworked but now the energy is gone...i now realize that even my strength had got mingled with her...with her gone my strengh seems to have collapsed.
If this the condition where a person can get to after 25 days of courtship then imagine what happens to ppl who break off after 3-4 yrs...it must be killing...
But on the positive side I am happy that I atleast loved her with my full heart...its ironiv that I truly realise that with her gone...but I guess that true with lots of things in life...u realise them only when they are gone/lost....all this time I was striving to prove myself that I really love her...and now that I know I was right shes not there...aah...SAd but true
[2nd Dec,2005]
This year I dont have any new year resolutions. I dont feel like making any. There is nothing that I need to significantly improvements in. I just have lots of wishes...thats all.
No resolutions.
I wished last year that this year sees me thinking resolutions in some other country...and so was it. This year i wish the same.
I wish the best for my family and that my mom bcomz alright.
Wish I have the one for me taking care of me all life...hope things reamain as beautiful as they are now.
Hope we are both able to improve and make up where we lack...and hope we continue to strive for each others hapiness like we do now.
[1st Dec,2005]
The NewYear started at the Boarding Lounge at Colombo Airport. hmmm...and within minutes there was a surprise...I got promoted to Business Class!...mebbe gods way of saying...'Happy new year to u poor SMAzy soul'..
So new year started in style...going by what ppl say...that ur year goes the way ur new year starts...its wasnt a bad thing to do...traveliing in business class all year?!..hmmm....a lil more abstraction to this and ur relize u can say 'I ll b flying high all year'...hmmm.....not bad...not bad at all...
Landed at Sing around 9...thx to a delayed flight...
but managed to squamber to HSravantis residence by 11...had a heart meal and after that a pretty normal day...half at the lab...half at her home
Only possible worry was reg dearie dear's not being able to handle herself and the pressures...last 8 dyas I said...hope she makes it thur...i knew I will..
[4th Jan,2005]
ti ti ti ti ti ti..Protik woke up with a start...it was the alarm...it was time...time to leave and go the airport to pickup his beloved who was coming today....aaahh....it had been 20 days of struggle...to manage himself...and she 2 longed for him...2 b in his arms....the day was finally goin 2 b true...
so there he was...waiting at the airport...and she came and flowed into him...and there was suddenly a calmness in him...something he had lost for the past 20 days.
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Expectations...
Dad says expectations are bad....never do things and xpect something in return....
so I shld not xpect her to hv the same determination.....i shld not xpect nething similar to 25 days of sloggin for her....i shld not xpect nething similar to holding back ur thots so that it doesnt affect her gre....
I tell myself shez naive...doesnt understand how some of her words sometimes hurt me and worry me so much....i am the silent kinds...dont tell her nething as i know she never wld mean to hurt me...so no use showing ne hurt to her...but sometimes it builds in...
but shez improving...for the good....but the motivation is still not enuff...she needs to b stronger...be more a fighter....life is not easy...u always dont get what u want....u hv to keep the courage and fite on...jump over the failers...and reach for ur goal...
over the past 5 months..my goal in life has got entwingled with her...shez v much a part of it......and now (YET again!) this is threatenend....i fear of mismatched admits...and living apart for years....and it gets me scared....will she b able to handle it....??
I dislike ppl who give up....I shldnt xpect every1 to fite like me....shld not xpect to hold on to things i do....cant it xpect to xpect something from her??
feeling a lil bugged today...hv held a lot for so many days....will all burst sometime soon...but I promise that Ill let it out slowly...
she says i am too nice....but am i really? shld i live up to my niceness by burying all the hurt all the time or shld i b less nice but more natural??,,,,but I trust u god....ull work up something now that u hv given her to me...or ill do something on ur behalf...
ok points to discuss
1. Home talk
2. sacrificing and holding info
3. not showing bugginess
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Monday, January 10, 2005
Post on Wiki!!
I have made sverl posts on Wikipaedia and encourage u too post too...You too can contribute!! its sooo simple...just edit the page directly!
I have made contributions under wireless sensor networks ...a topic of my interest...
have also added a link to the Singapore MIT alliance website on the MIT page...yooohooo!!
Sunday, January 09, 2005
nice2 hv u
it felt nice 2 hv a gf today afternoon...nmk's gf divya intro'ed me toa frnd of hers...and in the discussion it felt as if I had unnec barged into them....then I suddnly got a feeling tht they might hv felt odd ...and if in India, a gal mightve thot in the lines that I was trying to get a chat goin so that I cld fork something later....then suddenly it struck me...divya wldnt think that way as soon as she wld realize that i was attached...which would obviously mean I was being genuine with them and had no hidden motivations....
Saturday, January 08, 2005
What is love without a will to sacrifice?
What is love without a will to sacrifice?
It is enuff i am of value to someone today
Lessons learnt in life can always be expressed in one line
You are foolish if you think there are people who are always happy, you just dont know them enough.
Everyone has their own set of problems.
Money is not an elexir
WakingUp!!
she asked me 2 wake her up at 9...and I tamely called up...only to discover she has not slept her full and is attempting a routine change....why now?! I asked, why 2 days before the GRE...why upset ur sleep?!....but she persisted...no reason given...bas, she wants is that way....and she is her own law!....
I hv started to giveup at such times...doesnt make sense to quarell...it doesnt lead to nething...she has no reasoning to support her cuase...and hence no logical argumenation is feasible.....
She just came a few mins ago...guess she took an additonal hour of sleep on my saying....its nice to c onez thougths regarded....good...things are improving....just as she promised...good :)
Monday, January 03, 2005
Lifez a Journey not a dest1nation
past 6 months have been tuff...both mentally and physically....hv njoied a great time with u...but again they hv been full of tension...never has been a day when I have breathed easy....breathed with a gaurantee that I will have a next breath....as if SMA was not already tuff enuff,,,i hav beared tensions of you leaving me....something which i cant take.
THIS NEEDS TO CHANGE
herez a list of some things that wld change it.
1. A gaurantee of some form that our thing is here to stay and will not go down during ur physic bouts or in a fight. It has to be strong enuff to withstand these tides. How else can a man live in peace...how can he enjoy life unless he has the gaurantee of living the next day?
2. More love from your side...I too wish to be cared.
3. More focus on studies and the things I like to do
4. Good fun, freak outs...etc
I want to be happy the next 6 months. I know you do too...lets do it. lets help each other. lets remove our tensions. or best schedule then with lowest priority and let the happoness threads come on top!...
THINK GEEK,DO GEEK, LIVE GEEK, LOVE GEEKNI
F0cUs!
Just came back from my group meeting on discussion about the DSO and SUN internship projects. Got a last round on advice that I should be more focussed in my work...and not distracted...students are evaluated on the basis of grades and deliverables and not anything else....
Was just left wondering if this had anything to do with my 20 day absence.?!
A day m0re!
baibu just called...her flight will be delayed till tomm morn bcoz of Fog!!...god and fog got us together in a our of the world miraculous way at Mumbai...but now it will be the reverse...but its ok...Ill stay calm and manage the storm raring to burst within....
aaaaaaaaaaaahhhh.....how much a long for her...for her touch...to caress her soft skin...i can almost feel it now...how she would melt against my touch...all her iritations, her permonitions, her buginess wld b gone and she wld return 2 be the wonderful woman she is.....
another side of me is still scared...shez goin back to her home...its 12 more hrs of possible problems.....but i hv to trust her....she will hold on to me....like i hv done with her....
Saturday, January 01, 2005
Troubles
i am tensed now....hopefully u r calm after passing the tension....i knew it wld come while we chat...u wont b able to hold it and will pass on to me....
I 2 hv tensions but am not passing them 2 u...mom dad didnt like ur calling up...but I am still not passing that to u....why? so that u dont get worked up...
and i hope u work towards ur resolution of not getting bugged....
I know u hv been away from me...and that its not easy to tk the load...but u still need to handle urself...it will b imp for the long run
I 2 need support, I 2 need luv and caring....i 2 need to be handled when i am bugged....if u stay bugged so often who will handle me....
and I hope u slowly start to keep tensions to urself when u know they will hit me...in this case its fine as u hv ur gre...but sometimes u need to do...
whats the use of passing tension when u not there to handle me and reassure me....and u need 2 learn how to say things in a non straight fashion at times....it helps...i am human 2...
